Mark-Paul Goselaar never had a chance. That’s right, you heard me. Zack Morris, the man who tagged every piece of ass in Bayside, Valley, Malibu Springs, Cal U, and Hawaii (in the first Saved by the Bell “movie”) never had an effing chance. And it pisses me off.
For those of you who don’t know, each and every sitcom star is defined by how well they handle the pressure of a “very special” episode.
Prime examples include the “Full House” episode when Michelle got lost in Disneyland, the “Boy Meets World” episode when Shawn finds out his latest girlfriend is being abused at home, and who can forget the episode of “Diff’rent Strokes” where Arnold and Dudley encounter a pedophile (I know I can’t).
And for one very special young man, a very special episode helped launch a multi-million dollar movie career. I am of course talking about the episode of the Fresh Prince where Will’s dad comes back….only to ditch him again. The tears, the tears.
Anyway, point is, that MPG never got his chance. Sure there were a few “very special” episodes on SBTB’s glorious run, but who did they give the most important one to? Jessie. Fucking. Spano. I don’t even need to link the ubiquitous “I’m So Excited” clip, because I’m sure you’ve seen it. I know I have. Too many times.
C’mon NBC, you didn’t think MPG could play a convincing drug addict? Were you worried that Zack Morris would have portrayed doing blow as a fun-filled joyride? It was the 80s after all…BUT STILL. He was your star player. You gotta give him the ball on the big plays.
Now we’re just left to wonder what could have been. Damn you NBC. May the mistake of your decision rot in your minds forever. And yes, “Joey” was HORRIBLE.
And this is what I do when there’s nothing to do at work.
